When Your Workout Partner Isn't Working Out

By: Wendy Lubell

Many of you like having a partner to help encourage you when you exercise. Perhaps this person is willing to go jogging at 5:30 am with you or faithfully meet you at the gym three times a week. A workout partner can hold you accountable, be a sounding board for your stressors and give you a bit more motivation to exercise. Most of the time, this arrangement works well and helps to keep you committed to exercise. However what happens when you have been working out with the same partner and it is no longer working out?

As in any relationship communication is a key to success. Maybe your partner has been late more often than not, or you feel they drain you rather than energize you, or they goof around too much and you prefer to be serious. There can be a variety of reasons why you are unhappy with the arrangement and by exploring these reasons you can create a situation that works for you, as well as the other person. Even if you haven’t spoken your truth, your workout partner can probably sense that something is not quite right so it is best to talk about it.

What were my expectations when I decided to have a workout partner?

Before you began the partnership you may not have stated your expectations. However, there are some fundamental beliefs you have about relationships and when you do not state them clearly to yourself and the other person friction can generate. You may expect that they not be late, call when the have to cancel, push you harder than you would push yourself or open up and share stories about their lives. You may want them to be at the same level of fitness as you, or have knowledge in areas that you do not know so you can swap ideas. If you did not clearly state your objectives in the beginning, do it now and ask your partner to do the same thing. Problems often arise because we have a belief that the other person is letting us down and they may not even know what they are doing. Learn to appreciate differences by being open to discussing them.

How do I typically behave when I am frustrated with someone else?

Perhaps you cancel scheduled appointments because you would rather not deal with the situation or maybe you take out your frustration by being short tempered with the other person. People create patterns of behavior and by looking at the ways you handle uncomfortable situations you can learn to speak up and do what you really want. Remember, the only person that can take our power away from us, is ourselves.

How can I address my partner without them becoming defensive?

Speak from a place of I. What I mean by that is always say: “I feel, I believe, I think that this doesn’t work for me” rather than “You don’t care, you aren’t supportive, you are unreliable”. The latter statements can sound accusatory and are your opinions and not necessarily the facts. Here is an example: My workout partner and I agreed to meet three times a week at 1 pm. The goal was to lift weights. The two of us liked to warm up and stretch before the workout. Growing up I was taught: “Early is on time and on time is late” therefore I followed this motto. I would show up at 12:45 pm and do the warm up routine. My partner would show up at 1 pm and want to spend fifteen minutes warming up. I got frustrated with her because I felt like she was cutting into our weight training time. By stepping back and looking at the deeper reason for being mad, I was able to realize that we had not communicated our needs clearly. I told her about my fundamental belief and what I wanted from our relationship. She did the same and the problem was no longer a problem.

Hopefully you and your partner are able to talk about the things that frustrate you and come up with a situation that works better for both of you. It’s not always easy to find someone to be your faithful workout partner, so don’t throw away a good thing just because of a few differences. No two people are exactly the same, so any relationship we enter will have its ups and downs. The key to a successful relationship is to be able to communicate openly.